Question: I just read your article about the sin against the Holy Spirit. I truly want to be saved and go to heaven, and have gone to confession many times in the past 12 months, but am never at peace after confession and feel I have not been forgiven and cannot be saved. I pray every day, go to adoration, etc.
— Name withheld
Answer: You certainly can be saved. In the first place, you are doing what you can to stay in God’s favor and are calling on the Lord’s mercy. You are not like some today who are defiant and refuse to repent since they regard their sins as no sin at all, even despite clear teaching from God in the Scriptures and natural law. These are surely the most likely to be lost. But you are not in this sort of mindset. Rather, you are struggling with a rather severe case of scrupulosity. At its heart, scrupulosity is an exaggerated need for certainty of one’s state before God. Instead of trusting and depending on God’s mercy, the scrupulous person seeks to feel safe on his or her own terms and to a degree of almost absolute certainty. But God asks us to trust him and his promise. We are called to be humble and repentant for our sins, as you are, and call on his mercy in a trusting way. Finally, we base our certainty of forgiveness on the sure foundation of his word to us: “I absolve you from your sins.” Severe scrupulosity such as you describe must be treated carefully by a priest you trust in confession and spiritual direction. It is also helpful to have mental health counseling since scrupulosity is similar to obsessive-compulsive disorder. These days, there are good methods and medicines to help with the sort of anguish you describe. Jesus did not die for your sins for you to be fearful of him at every moment. He died so that you can be confident of his love. The only ones Jesus can’t help are those who refuse to seek him or defiantly resist his call to repentance and humility. This is not who you are. You are among those to whom Jesus says: “I will not reject anyone who comes to me” (Jn 6:37).