When Ryan and Kelly Breaux experienced the loss of their babies, the couple felt alone and abandoned by the Church. And so, years later, they decided to found the Catholic grief support ministry that they wish had existed for them.
“We started Red Bird Ministries because when we needed the Church the most, there was nothing the Church could offer us,” Kelly told Our Sunday Visitor of their ministry in written comments.
The couple’s faith and marriage were tested after their son, Talon Antoine, died in 2005 at 15 days old and his twin sister, Emma Grace, died in 2009, a month before turning four years old. Then, two more of their children died during the first trimester of pregnancy: Christian Ryan in 2012 and Eva Catherine in 2022.
Red Bird Ministries (RBM) exists to let families like the Breaux’s know that they are not alone. Founded in 2018, the pro-life, pro-family ministry serves couples and individuals who have experienced the loss of a child from pregnancy through adulthood. Today, the nonprofit based in Breaux Bridge, Louisiana, supports thousands of families worldwide.
On its website, RBM offers a plethora of resources for grieving families, including multimedia resources with an app, podcast and blog; pastoral services such as comfort calls, spiritual direction and access to Catholic therapy; healing boxes for families who have experienced loss; local chapters for support and healing; pregnancy and infant loss support from information about free caskets to a guide on liturgical rites; virtual and in-person retreats and events; support for grieving siblings; information about helping loved ones who have experienced loss; and spiritual support including an annual Mass and memorial wall.
RBM also provides programming for parishes and training for leaders, including new training for clergy through diocesan clergy workshops, Kelly, the president of RBM, said. They are currently working with leaders in more than 30 dioceses worldwide.
“We never dreamed that God would ask us to serve outside of our diocese, but here we are,” she said. “I truly understand now that when you give God your yes, your fiat, He truly magnifies it.”
RBM also encourages everyday Catholics to get involved, from ordering RBM brochures for their parish to starting a fundraiser.
The nonprofit, which won a grant from the OSV Institute for Catholic Innovation in 2021, takes its name from a song called “The Red Bird Flies” about the loss of loved ones by a local band named Sweet Cecilia. The song “inspired us always to remember our loved ones when we see the Red Bird fly,” the Breaux family says of the red-feathered cardinal on RBM’s website.
A call to action to help families face miscarriage and infant loss
RBM most recently raised awareness around pregnancy and infant loss, with October marking Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Kelly gave her comments to Our Sunday Visitor ahead of November, the month where Pope Francis’ prayer intention is for anyone who has lost a child.
Going forward, Kelly encouraged the Church to improve its response to the loss of babies before and after birth.
“As the pro-life Church, it is our responsibility to be a safe place for young families to run to when they hear the words ‘Your baby has no heartbeat’ or ‘Your baby will die,'” she said. “When we have no support for families, they feel alone and abandoned by the Church. When we are silent, families feel like they have no right to grieve their baby.”
Losing a baby is something that many families experience, she said.
“Consider this: one in four families in our pews is facing the heartache of perinatal loss,” she said. “This statistic underscores a profound reality that many may not recognize. The silence is profoundly loud.”
Citing studies and national statistics, RBM lists numbers including one in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage, one in 160 pregnancies ends in stillbirth and one in 250 babies die before turning one month old.
“We need to do a better job of building a culture of life and changing our perspective on the dignity of all pregnancy loss,” Kelly said.
This effort, she said, begins with leaders and the lay faithful.
The Church’s response to death signals its value of life, she said. She remembered, at another point, the words of a holy priest once telling her, “Kelly, to be open to life is to be open to death, but we are not open to death in the Western Church.”
She commented: “When we are open to life, sometimes little babies do die. Our Holy Mother Church has to open Her arms wide and tell our young couples that we are here to help you through the pain of loss.”
Looking at life through the lens of loss
Kelly said that her response to loss shapes her outlook on the dignity and value of human life.
“How we address life on both fronts — families who were obedient to God and chose life but whose little baby was gone before they got to meet him/her and how we advocate for life when we look at abortion — must be the consistent language if we ever want to help change the culture of death into a culture of life,” she said.
When someone tells her that they lost a baby during pregnancy, she always responds that she is sorry for their loss.
“What is the most surprising response that I hear over and over from the lay faithful are the words, ‘It’s okay, I was so early at 6 weeks. I was just 8 weeks, or I was only 10 weeks,'” she said. “There is no ‘early,’ ‘just,’ or ‘only’ in miscarriage; you were pregnant, your baby just died, and your heart is crushed.”
A presentation to the Church
Earlier in October, RBM presented information to Cardinal Timothy M. Dolan of New York in a document that the group created for the Archdiocese of New York’s Pro-Life Commission. In comments from that document shared with Our Sunday Visitor, Elizabeth Leon, RBM’s director of family support, revealed a need for the Church to do more.
“When families of miscarriage turn to the Church with their grief and questions, looking for affirmation that their baby’s life mattered, there is often confusion,” Leon said.
She said that RBM has served families whose babies are in their freezer as they wait for instruction from their parish, diocese or pastor. They have also ministered to families who didn’t realize that they could request the remains of their baby and now grieve that their baby was disposed of at the hospital.
“We need the Church to show up and declare loudly and clearly what the secular world will not: No matter how many weeks or months you had with your baby in your womb, your baby was real,” Leon wrote. “Your baby is worthy of all the dignity and honor due to every human being upon their death. Your baby is a child of God and eternally loved.”
A message for grieving parents
In addition to RBM, many dioceses and archdioceses today list resources online for those experiencing the loss of a child. The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops also lists a “Blessing of Parents after a Miscarriage or Stillbirth.”
Kelly shared her message for families who have recently experienced the loss of a child.
“We want every family to know that the death of their child through miscarriage or stillbirth is just as valued and just as grieved as the lives of babies lost to abortion,” she said. “We know your baby was Carried With Love. The church sees you, loves you, and cares deeply that your baby died. Let our team love you through the heartbreak of your baby’s death.”
